I hope that you BURN

My mom asked me a few months ago if I was having suicidal thoughts.  Makes you take a hard look at how your handling things.  For the record, I’m not.  Not really anyway.  Do I feel hopeless?  Yes.  Do I often stop and think, “What the fuck is the point?” 100%.  But I keep fighting, even if that just means I wake up and put on clothes and go to work.  I’m having a hard time handling the news again.  I may need to stay off all social media again.  45 now says he’s banning people who identify as transgendered from serving in the military.  And how was your (non-existent) service you overgrown weasel?  Tell me again how HC was going to ruin the lives of the LGBT community but you were going to fight for them?

I want to fight but there are so many things to fight for and against that I feel like I’m drowning.  It’s hard to breathe, hard to move, hard to stop crying, hard to get up and out of bed.  Where do I put my efforts?  How do you fight when all the people who hold the power can’t be swayed?  How do you fight when a man who was just diagnosed with (essentially) terminal brain cancer, races back to DC to repeal health insurance for millions?  How do you fight when there are pipelines, oil spills, senseless killing of black men and women, a women in control of education who doesn’t think people with disabilities have value or deserve education, a defunded National Parks Service (Where are you LK?!)…how do you fight?  How do you keep your head above water and say, “This is the way our nation has always been.  We fight, we change, we grow slowly and painfully.  We make mistakes and fix them eventually.”  How do you keep from slowly drowning in fear, depression, sadness, and hate?

Someone please tell me, because I don’t know how.

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